GAMBLING GAMBLES by Abby Jean

June 14, 2017
You see me?
I feel like, you see me…
Who I am.
Feel me.
Who I am.

I’m taken aback from you…
I backup from you.
Take a step back.
Just to take a good look…
Are you, You?

Something seems puzzling.
I know that’s logic mumbling…
Trying to create – no.
Just aware of my standing.
My place in this gambling…

Relationship gambles.
Gambling lives for Love.
Once Passion drives that’s it.
The fire’s lit, let’s get lit, even if –
Our risky gambles end up in shambles…

Am I the only one he longs for?
Am I the only one who shines under his sun?
Am I the only sun shining his day…?

I consider… thoughts wander…
I drift to wonders that weigh me.
Distraughtening to ever Love in unreciprocated depths.
Never again.
I catch myself thinking and stop to feel instead.

How do I… feel…

Tingles run up my arms.
Back of my neck.
Spread through my scalp.
My cheeks.
Magick swirls from my heart.

I feel, Love.
Insane depths of it.
I feel, fear.
My heart’s rocky history runs deep.
I feel, anxious.

Anxious to look in your eyes.
Confront your soul with no words.
Communicate through spirit.
Ethereal realness.
One on one confrontational informational gathering.

What is this.
What are we really doing babe?
What the fuck are we doing.
We are so bold to advance you know.
So wild spirited in this crazy trance you know.

I tear from the thought of losing you.
Anxiety from logic of how this can continue.
I need to know you.
I need to see you in regular life.
Day to day living, I need to know you.

I’m at a loss for words now.
Words.
Words aren’t satisfying me.
There’s nothing left to say.
Everything must be felt.

Babe, I fucking Love you.
My head spins, belly, heart, nervous system.
I admit I’ve developed fright.
Just trying to maintain it as slight.
I can’t lose you, I fucking can’t.

How do I, win…
Moment to moment.
Day to day.
I make conscious effort.
To underwhelm my overwhelm.

Inhale, exhale…
“Anything is possible.”
In the calm of my storm.
I can and shall manifest it.
You and I together, living as one.

Inhale, exhale…
My Love.
I care for you so dearly.
With no hesitation.
It’s a soul to soul thing. xo

S.O.S. by Abby Jean

​Feb 23 ’17
I want to get out of here.
I need to stop doing this.
Not Love, don’t worry…
I mean, work.

Work schmurk… Jerk murk… F.. u.. c……

You see my boss gave me this task.
I saw him pull it from his ass.
Sorry for the profanity.
I’m dipping into insanity.

Been workin’ on the same file.
The same file that stretches a mile.
All day editing.. the same.. fucking.. list.
I want to disappear into mist.

I don’t usually mind work you see.
But this task is too repetitive, honestly.
I can’t stand this shit anymore.
Computer’s ’bout to get tossed on the floor.

Ok ok, I just checked the time.
Now my heart has been slightly revived.
One measly lil hour left.
I got this, I can do it, I’m set.

“List, I shall conquer you.”
I say aloud, relaxing my fist.
Inhale. Exhale.
Freedom… yes… freedom shall prevail.

I got this.

LEFT ME HANGIN’ by Abby Jean

​01-17-17

He left me hangin.
I’d rather be bangin…
I really didn’t ask for much.
Just a title for a poem and such.

He read my message with no reply.
So this poem is now based on my try.
To get him to spark my creativity.
I’ll do it myself with my divinity.

Here at work with concentration issues.
Rather write it out than blow it into tissues.
I’m having heart aches on many levels.
Fiending for attention from dick devils.

I overhear my soul battling my ego lately.
Begging to stop the thoughts, praying greatly.
Self destruction, self torture, self abuse.
The pleasure in pain, pleasure in being used.

Love… oh Love, where art thou.
A brave heart willing to Love, I need now.
What’s happened to everyone, hearts tainted.
So fearful, so empty… ugly pic they’ve painted.

I still smile, dance, sing and spin.
As many times as I lose, I win.

Pause.

He just sent me a song.
A song I wanna put in my thong.
Makin’ me want his schlong.
All fucking night long.

These moments are what I live for.
These moments I hoard and store.
Reminisce when I need more.
More than staring at a closed door.

Random moments, random times.
Random visions invading minds.
I love making something from nothing.
I adore making nothing from something.

I know my mood, I know myself.
I’ll keep writing words, they write themself.
No end inside my infinite mind.
Black hole spewing words of all kinds you’ll find…

I thought he left me hangin.
But really he came back bangin.
Life, you amaze me.
Life, you drive me crazy…

TEXT ME BACK by Abby Jean

​July 28 ’16
Don’t be an asshole.
Jump down the rabbithole.
Take the risk.
Wild out.
Text me back.

You’re boring my spirit.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.
Envisioning your side.
With occupied preoccupieds.
Prob never even tried…

Bzzz, bzzzz.
Too busy to stop.
Too focused another way.
It’s ok.
In my nightmares.

‘Cause in my dreams, desires.
Meditations and hopes.
I hear it.
That lovely buzz.
Bzz, bzz…bzz, bzz.

Not the buzz of business.
Or bees.
Or cicadas in trees.
The buzz of you.
Texting me.

Stop with your ways.
Make me exclusive.
Make me the exception.
To your rule.
Your habit.

How boring.
I’m snoring.
Now my wait is late.
For another hot date.
He texts.

HUMAN STAR by Abby Jean

July 25 ’16

Mystical Mysterious Human Star.
Often ponder where and how you are.
In the mist, in the particles of spotlight.
Shining bright blinding light.
Pointed, beaming, like sunshine at night.
I feel my energies, his energies.
No longer in synergies.
But were they ever?
My thought-train is clever.
“He’s not that into you.”
Words repeated from time over.
I knew, I know, I realize.
My eyes never tries to lies.
But my voice trembles to speak goodbyes.
Instead my heart just skips a beat.
Double-dutching over his.
As I continue my biz.
I float by to send a hi.
No desire for him to try.
Just let him know I cared, care.
Expressing my soul is only fair, I dare.
Beautiful one upon this earth.
Spread your beauty, build your net worth.
The tiger I’m keeping.
To cuddle while I’m sleeping.
Oops.
Sweet life ahead.
Sweet dreams of glory.
From start to end.
We had a great story.
Butterfly wings and flashes of light.
Off and away, out of mind, out of site!
Poof! Like magick.
Nothing tragic.
Off and away to stay…
Eternally internalizing the Love.
And so it is…
Ride the wave.

xo

TELL ME A STORY by Abby Jean

​July 24 ’16

He said tell him a story.
So my mind came awake.
I’d been sleeping lightly.
With my kundalini snake.

He said tell him a story.
I wondered about what.
A morning glory, naa.
Been there, done that.

My wheels started turning.
My clock tick-tocking.
Saw a whirlwind of visions.
My door began knocking.

Inhale. Exhale.

A cat, yes a cat.
He appears to like cats.
Kittens all fuzzy and cute.
Mischievous brats.

Meow, meow.
Purrs and claws.
Cats, kittens everywhere.
Climbing, jumping without pause.

Deep in the forest.
Inside their home, a hut.
Untamed by human.
In joy and happiness they strut.

They hold secret knowledge.
Secrets unkept from man.
Except for the slick ones.
The humans that give a damn.

Meow, meow.
They talk to the skies.
To the spirits around them.
Clearly seen with their eyes.

There was no king or queen.
They believed in equals.
Sat around all together.
Storytelling pussy sequels.

It was a fabulous lifestyle.
Eat, drink and be merry.
Living deep in the forest.
It was dark but not scary.

I could tell him many tales.
Of tails and whiskers.
Though my stories are infinite.
Filled with turns and twisters.

He said tell him a story.
But he doesn’t yet know.
My poems stretch distances.
They rapidly grow.

So back to where I was.
Before I heard the text.
Back to sweet dreams I go.
Cat-napping until the next….