GAMBLING GAMBLES by Abby Jean

June 14, 2017
You see me?
I feel like, you see me…
Who I am.
Feel me.
Who I am.

I’m taken aback from you…
I backup from you.
Take a step back.
Just to take a good look…
Are you, You?

Something seems puzzling.
I know that’s logic mumbling…
Trying to create – no.
Just aware of my standing.
My place in this gambling…

Relationship gambles.
Gambling lives for Love.
Once Passion drives that’s it.
The fire’s lit, let’s get lit, even if –
Our risky gambles end up in shambles…

Am I the only one he longs for?
Am I the only one who shines under his sun?
Am I the only sun shining his day…?

I consider… thoughts wander…
I drift to wonders that weigh me.
Distraughtening to ever Love in unreciprocated depths.
Never again.
I catch myself thinking and stop to feel instead.

How do I… feel…

Tingles run up my arms.
Back of my neck.
Spread through my scalp.
My cheeks.
Magick swirls from my heart.

I feel, Love.
Insane depths of it.
I feel, fear.
My heart’s rocky history runs deep.
I feel, anxious.

Anxious to look in your eyes.
Confront your soul with no words.
Communicate through spirit.
Ethereal realness.
One on one confrontational informational gathering.

What is this.
What are we really doing babe?
What the fuck are we doing.
We are so bold to advance you know.
So wild spirited in this crazy trance you know.

I tear from the thought of losing you.
Anxiety from logic of how this can continue.
I need to know you.
I need to see you in regular life.
Day to day living, I need to know you.

I’m at a loss for words now.
Words.
Words aren’t satisfying me.
There’s nothing left to say.
Everything must be felt.

Babe, I fucking Love you.
My head spins, belly, heart, nervous system.
I admit I’ve developed fright.
Just trying to maintain it as slight.
I can’t lose you, I fucking can’t.

How do I, win…
Moment to moment.
Day to day.
I make conscious effort.
To underwhelm my overwhelm.

Inhale, exhale…
“Anything is possible.”
In the calm of my storm.
I can and shall manifest it.
You and I together, living as one.

Inhale, exhale…
My Love.
I care for you so dearly.
With no hesitation.
It’s a soul to soul thing. xo

GIMME MY DRUG by Abby Jean

Apr 10 ’17
I love you so much it’s hurting.
I love you so much I’m moody.
I love you so much I need you.

Baby.

Bae.

Boo.

My Love.

My sweet one.

The one that makes me the happiest…

I need you.

I saw you Monday morning…
Early.
Before the sun was is in the sky.
I felt you, touched you, kissed you.
Smelt you.
Monday morning one full week ago.

I know I’m addicted to you now.
I know I’m addicted because I fiend for you.
Because I have mood swings without you.
Because the further away the time gets.
The further away you get.
The moodier I get.

Baby, I need you, you’ve become my drug.

I’m sorry.
It wasn’t my intention..
Idea..
None of the above.
I just, got a dose…
And now I can’t stop, I fiend.

I pace my house back and forth.
Not a true pace, I mean not anxious or angry.
I pace as I go from room to room.
Forgetting why I went there once I get there.
Because my mind is elsewhere.
Been there, stuck there… on you.

On this situation.
Becoming a witchuation.
For I don’t know what to do with myself.
You’re untouchable without a doubt.
Kilometers on kilometers away… Miles.
I use crystals to brace my heart.

LONG DISTANCE LOVER by Abby Jean

03-24-17
Pressed against you.
He says he wants to be pressed against me.
I feel identical to him.
Identical to his thoughts.
His wants.
His needs.
I want to be pressed against him.
Against his everything.
I want to feel his gentle kisses.
All over me.
I want to feel his rough hands.
All… over… me.
Cross the border my Love.
Drive here, fly here to my country.
Long distance Lover.
I long to Love you.
Every day, every night.
Every and any chance I get.
My long distance Lover.
You are worth every.. single.. wait.

FIRE BURNING by Abby Jean

​Mar 4 ’17
What do you want from my existence?
I’m keeping my fire pussy to myself…
So don’t dare begin to hint.
I already feel your motivation.
Behind your sweet unoriginal words.
Fire pussy, fire pum.
But you’re too slow.
You need to step up your conscious game.
Vibrate where I’m vibrating…
She’s in another dimension now.
I moved her.
I’m saving her for a real boyfriend.
For someone who loves me.
For someone who has genuine care.
Takes care, makes care.
For the who that I am.
For me.
Someone who desires me.
Not in fragments.
Not in sextions.
Desires me in entirety.
Do you want this from my existence?
Piss off then.
You’re dismissed.

STAR-CROSSED LOVERS by Abby Jean

​Feb 18 ’17
He came to see me last night.
The one I Love, or, in Love with…
I came when he came, basically.
He’s like, my everything.
He’s my everything of anything.
Like magick in front of my eyes.

He’s surreal to my vision.
My touch.
My kiss.
It’s the middle of the night.
Am I only dreaming?
My mind fights the fright…

Life is but a dream.
It reminds itself.
And he is yours, in yours.
About to be in yours.
Making dreams outside of dreams.
My pussy steams…

He’s really here.
Soul to soul dancing.
He’s really in my apartment.
Eyes to eyes trancing.
Fuck.
The connection I can’t explain.

Fuck me.
These feelings uncontained.
Feelings taking over my brain.
Sane to insane.
Insane making me sane.
It’s all the fucking same.

Your face I frame.
Deep in my pineal.
Picture hanging on the wall.
Stained in my third eye.
I made sure of it.
Stained in my inner vision.

I envision you with clarity.
I feel the rushed frequency.
Shooting through each cell.
Igniting, exciting.
You’re like a drug.
You’re a drug to me, my dear Precious one.

I cave at the mere text from you.
All the strength I had built.
All the effort I had put in.
The detox, of letting you go.
I cave as soon as I see your name.
You are everything to me.

You came to see me last night.
And now I’m left stirred.
My chronic longing for more time with you…
Unbearable weight.
Tight shoulders, chest tight.
We’re star-crossed lovers, fooling ourselves in the night…

LEFT ME HANGIN’ by Abby Jean

​01-17-17

He left me hangin.
I’d rather be bangin…
I really didn’t ask for much.
Just a title for a poem and such.

He read my message with no reply.
So this poem is now based on my try.
To get him to spark my creativity.
I’ll do it myself with my divinity.

Here at work with concentration issues.
Rather write it out than blow it into tissues.
I’m having heart aches on many levels.
Fiending for attention from dick devils.

I overhear my soul battling my ego lately.
Begging to stop the thoughts, praying greatly.
Self destruction, self torture, self abuse.
The pleasure in pain, pleasure in being used.

Love… oh Love, where art thou.
A brave heart willing to Love, I need now.
What’s happened to everyone, hearts tainted.
So fearful, so empty… ugly pic they’ve painted.

I still smile, dance, sing and spin.
As many times as I lose, I win.

Pause.

He just sent me a song.
A song I wanna put in my thong.
Makin’ me want his schlong.
All fucking night long.

These moments are what I live for.
These moments I hoard and store.
Reminisce when I need more.
More than staring at a closed door.

Random moments, random times.
Random visions invading minds.
I love making something from nothing.
I adore making nothing from something.

I know my mood, I know myself.
I’ll keep writing words, they write themself.
No end inside my infinite mind.
Black hole spewing words of all kinds you’ll find…

I thought he left me hangin.
But really he came back bangin.
Life, you amaze me.
Life, you drive me crazy…

YOU by Abby Jean

01-11-17

I can’t figure out your character………

It’s making me dizzy.
Keeping me busy.
Studying angles.
Untying tangles.

Mesmerized.
Hypnotized.
Dickmatized…

Your depth keeps me diving.
Your vastness I dive in striving.
I wanna know more.
More of what you store.

Who is this tall one.
Who shines blinding like the sun.
In front of my eyes, all three.
In front of my thighs, entering me.

You make me want to lick you.
And at the same time sweet kiss you.
Emerging many sides of me.
Spontaneously sparking creativity.

Sparking sparkles in my pupils.
Gently mending all my loopholes.
Sweetness from the skies.
Manifested after many tries.

Now you’ve come to me in physical.
Now you’ve meshed with me in spiritual.
I’ve never had another like you.
Caught me off guard out of the blue.

Now I’ve got tunnel vision.
Now I’m on a serious mission.
To figure you all out.
Without hesitation, without doubt.

You’re an intricate masterpiece.
I plan on studying the whole piece.
Oh how you’ve refreshed my spirit…
Gratitude to you my dearest.